Di time wen we dey grow for my village for Ogbomoso, if I no chop amala with ewedu ati gbegiri for one day, e go be me like say I never chop anyting.
Dat time, rice no too dey like dat. Na only on Sunday my mama fit manage cook Abakaliki rice for us make we take enjoy small. And no be every Sunday o.
To change food small, e get some day wen we go eat poundo with efo and bush meat. Some day we go eat fufu with okro soup.
But pikin dem wey dey now na anoder ting patapata. E get some pikin for some family for dis Lagos wey be say na rice come, rice go. Dat one sef beta.
Some pikin now don take Indomie do “for beta for woss”. Morning, Indomie. Afternoon, Indomie. Evening, Indomie. Night, Indomie. Tori Olorun!
For my house, our two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – dey ready to eat Indomie 24/7. Bisi dey even change food small, but Funke? Dat one na Indomie come, Indomie go. And if you see am, you go know say true, true na Indomie pikin. Funke no get single meat for body.
Na im make wen I close everyday for dis my taxi driver work, I no dey tink am sef say make I buy sometin like break, abi yam, go house. Any day I try am, na so di bread go siddon dia till e spoil, becos only Bisi no fit finish am.
But buy one carton of Indomie come house, see as Funke go rush am, and e no go even last one week sef, e go finish.
But di order day, Madam NAFDAC talk say dem hear say one kokoro dey inside Indomie. E say make nobody for Naija eat Indomie till gofmen test am to see weda na true say kokoro wey dey cause cancer dey inside. Since dat day, Funke dey do like say JAMB jam am. Na so, so biscuit e dey chop and drink pure water to take wash di biscuit down. Me and dia mama, (my wife Bose) don beg Funke tire make e dey eat food and lef Indomie alone. But my pikin no wan hear. E dey wait for di day wen gofmen go test Indomie finish.
My prayer now be say, weda or wedant kokoro dey inside Indomie, make gofmen talk say e dey, so dat our pikin go begin dey eat correct Naija food.
After all, who know wetin chinko people put inside dat brown power wey dem put inside Indomie.
Abeg my people, make una follow me pray dat wicked prayer.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigerian media, since 1994.