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Female Genital Mutilation ruined our relationships, sexual lives – Survivors speak out

The FrontierThe FrontierSeptember 30, 2025 1615 Minutes read0

Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) remains one of the most traumatic cultural practices endured by women and girls in Nigeria.

Survivors, cutters, and advocates relayed their deeply personal experiences, exposing the pain, regrets, and lifelong scars left behind, reports Vanguard.

FGM ruined my relationship with my daughter – Osaretin

For Osaretin, a 56-year-old mother and survivor, the journey from victim to cutter was shaped by tradition and ignorance. Introduced to the practice at age 11, she began by holding babies down for her grandmother during cutting rituals.

“I didn’t know how to cut then,” she recalled.

“Before I went to school in the morning, they would bring the children to cut. That was how I started training.”

Eventually, she inherited the practice. Today, she cannot count how many girls she has cut.

“I was doing it for family members. It was our tradition,” she said quietly.

But Osareti’s personal life bore heavy scars.

“My past relationships failed because I became emotionally numb,” she admitted.

“I lost the urge for intimacy. I could not hold a marriage.”

The turning point came when her only daughter turned against her.

“My daughter and I became enemies because of FGM. She is the only girl I have, and I didn’t want to lose her. That was when I stopped cutting. I surrendered.”

She still remembers the gruesome process vividly: heavy bleeding, searing pain, and the use of unsterilized razor blades.

“It was suffering,” she confessed.

FGM stole my sexual life – Doris Ahkere, survivor

For Doris Ahkere, a 43-year-old educationist and mother of five, FGM robbed her of something fundamental – pleasure.

“I was mutilated when I was just eight days old,” she said.

“I only discovered it when I was 15. Since then, my life has never been the same.”

She explained how it stripped her marriage of joy: “Most of us believe marriage is not just for children but also companionship and intimacy. But because I was mutilated, I was deprived of my sexual life. It is not easy.”

Doris now speaks openly to parents and young girls, urging them to resist. “Parents say we are in the computer age, yet some still demand mutilation. Imagine someone using a razor blade to cut a sensitive part of a girl’s body. It is wickedness. Stand your ground and say no. Even if pressured, report to the police, to female lawyers, to healthcare centres. FGM disfigures you for life.”

I almost cut my daughters for money — Josephine

Josephine, a mother of six, nearly repeated the cycle with her younger girls due to financial pressures.

“Three of my five daughters were circumcised,” she admitted.

“When I gave birth to my fifth and sixth children, I planned to circumcise them too, but I couldn’t raise the N12,000 the nurse demanded.”

Initially, Josephine thought it was just about affordability.

“Even this year, I was still planning to do it. But after attending an awareness programme, I realised the dangers. I thank God I didn’t go ahead.”

Her older circumcised daughters often complain of pain and itching, while the younger two – spared from cutting – have been healthier.

“That was when I understood the truth,” she said.

“Parents need to stop this. We are destroying our children.”

Bible does not support FGM – Pastor Ken Izah

Faith leaders are also speaking out against the practice. Pastor Ken Izah insists FGM is unbiblical.

“God commanded Abraham to circumcise males, not females (Genesis 17:23),” he explained.

“FGM has no place in God’s plan. It is a cultural practice, not a divine instruction. It must be eradicated.”

Breaking the cycle

The testimonies of survivors and cutters show that FGM is not just a cultural tradition – it is a practice that destroys trust, health, sexuality, and family bonds.

UNICEF specialists react

In a chat with our correspondent on the health consequences, Mr. Denis Onoise, UNICEF’s Child Protection Specialist, stressed that FGM robs girls of their fundamental rights to bodily autonomy and dignity.

“It is the child who feels the pain of the cutting. As she grows into adulthood and marriage, she discovers that the part that was cut or deadened no longer provides the natural function of lubrication or pleasure. This denies her the right to enjoy her own body, and that is unacceptable,” he said.

He explained that the cultural justification of “marrying well” for daughters amounts to systemic violence against girls.

“When communities say they cut girls so they can marry well, they are simply institutionalising gender-based violence. You are preparing her for marriage by denying her joy, by suppressing her sexuality. But what about the men who marry these women?

They also lose, because the relationship will not be what it should have been if the woman had not been mutilated,” Onoise noted.

Beyond sexual and emotional harm, he highlighted reproductive health complications linked to FGM.

“We have received reports from hospitals where women who were cut bled heavily during childbirth or developed growths such as keloids. UNICEF even supported surgeries for some survivors suffering from such complications. This is why the practice must be stopped – it is a direct assault on women’s health,” he said.

Onoise further stressed the role of men and community leaders in ending the practice.

“It is not just the women who suffer. Husbands, brothers, and entire communities feel the consequences. That is why men must stand up and demand that our sisters and future wives are not cut. Communities must declare themselves free of mutilation, free of gender-based violence. Many have already abandoned it, but many more still need to take that step,” he urged.

He called for collective responsibility to meet Nigeria’s commitment to ending FGM by 2030.

“It will not be easy, but it is possible if we scale up awareness and enforcement. We already have laws like the VAPP Act that ban FGM. What we need now is stricter enforcement, stronger community mobilisation, and more advocacy from the media. Every member of society has a role to play, because this practice is not just harmful, it is discriminatory against the female child,” Onoise concluded.

Myths & cultural beliefs

On her part, a Sexual Reproductive Health Specialist and FGM Consultant to UNICEF, Mrs. Aderonke Olutayo, said despite laws and campaigns, FGM remains widespread across Nigeria.

“The practice, once thought to be limited to parts of the South-West and South-East, has now spread to states in the South-South and even the North,” she told Vanguard. “Awareness is growing, but we are also discovering more communities where it is still being perpetrated.”

Olutayo traced the persistence of FGM to myths and entrenched cultural beliefs. In some communities, girls are cut to make them marriageable, while others regard it as a rite of passage into womanhood.

“Some families believe it makes the genitalia clean or beautiful, while others see it as a tradition that must continue simply because it has always been done,” she explained.

She added that grandmothers often drive the practice, making resistance more difficult. Beyond the physical pain, she said survivors live with stigma and emotional scars.

Tags
female genital mutilationrelationshipssexual livesSurvivors
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