E get as some tings go happen, man head go jus turn upside down. I swear!
Di order day, one sisi like dat come our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. E say make I carry am for drop go Mowe Ibafo. I tell am say na only for Lagos I dey drive my guonguoro, unless passenger ready to pay me my charge. Di sisi ask me how much I go collect to go drop am for Mowe, I tell am my price, e gree. Di sisi siddon for passenger seat for front.
As we dey go for road, di sisi wey dey press phone ti-ti-ti-ti begin shout, “Na wa o. See wahala. Which kind ting be dis?”
I no wan ask am wetin dey happen make e no come be like say I dey chuk my mouth put for im own matter. My work na to carry passenger go drop wia e dey go, dat’s all.
Di sisi come dey shout more more, sote e bring im phone show me di photo and video wey e see for internet, wey make am dey shout.
As my eye jus see di photo, my broder, all my body come stand paparapa like Standard Bank. My kini jump up one time fiaaa! My kini nearly tear my shokoto trouser comot.
Di sisi come tell me say na for inside aeroplane di ting happen o. Say one yellow sisi passenger like dat and anoder sisi wey dey work for inside di plane dey fight sote di passenger clothe come tear and im two paw paw wey dey di passenger chest come dey dance ajasco for outside as e no wear bra teletele.
Dis two paw paw no be ordinary paw paw o, na paw wey ripe gan. Di two ripe paw paw dey kampe. Tori Olorun!
Since dat day, till today wey don pass one month, all my mind jus dey inside di two ripe paw paw wey dey for dat yellow sisi chest. Now, if I drive, my mind go dey remember di ripe paw paw. If I dey drink My Usual, or I dey eat or sleep for di same bed with my wife Bose, na di ripe paw paw I dey see. E come be like say I wan kolo sef. Olorun Oba o!
I don decide say, if I see dat yellow sisi, I go take am as my business partner. Na me and im go dey drive my guonguoro everyday and we go share di money di same – no cheating. I go put am for one beta hotel for Ikeja and dey pay for im food. I go do anyting for am make e jus dey show me di two ripe paw paw to Comfort me morning, afternoon, evening and night everyday.
I go do anyting to make am happy. I ready to even dash am my guonguoro sef. If I lie, make I baf naked for bafroom.
Abeg, anybody wey get dat yellow sisi phone number make e send am to me unless una wan make I kolo. I go give dat person sometin.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
