Dis my guonguoro don serve me wella. You sef tink am, since I finish my mecho apprentice work, after I run comot for my village for Ogbomoso (you know why), come Lagos for 1965, na dis guonguoro I don dey take do dis my taxi driver work for Lagos.
Na im I use work bring di money wey I take marry my wife Bose.
Na im bring di money wey I take rent Baba Braimoh face-me-I-face-you house wey we dey live for Abule Egba.
Na im bring di money wey I take bring up my two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – and send dem go school.
Na im bring di money wey I dey take buy food, clothe and order orisirisi tings for my wife and pikin dem, and pay house rent every month.
Na im bring di money wey I dey use buy My Usual drink for Madam Shine buka every evening wen I don close for work before I begin go house.
Dat’s why, any time I look am, I go just smile. E try gan.
Na all dis ting I dey tink dis morning wen I reach our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge.
I say make I lie down and rest small on top of one bench wey we dey take siddon for garage if we no see passenger…
Di first passenger wey waka come, say make I carry am for drop go Okokomaiko. I tell di bobo my price, e gree. Na im we begin dey go.
As we jus climb Oshodi Oke, I hear sometin dey nack pom, pom, pom for under di guonguoro. I first ting say weda na big stone I climb. As we dey go, di noise come over loud like say my guonguoro engine wan fall for ground.
I manage drive comot for road, go clear for Oshodi Isale. I march break fiaaam, open door and come down. I bend down to look under, my broda, wetin I see nearly make me faint.
Everyting wey dey for under my guonguoro don fall comot and land for ground, e come remain only di body of di guonguoro. Olorun Oba o!
My passenger ask me wetin happen, I tell am say no way wey I go fit carry again go drop for Okokomaiko, say make e come down, make I put am for anoder taxi. Tank Eledumare say I never collect money before we comot for garage.
Di bobo begin abuse me, e say na im make e no dey use all dis Lagos yellow taxi, say na becos im phone battery don peme, dat’s why e no fit book Uber. Noting wey dis bobo no take abuse me for dat Oshodi Isale.
But as di bobo come down to look wetin happen, hmmm, di ting wey im mouth see, im eye no fit talk am rarara. E no know wen e shout “Ewo!” E say: “So na inside dis motor I siddon inside since? Motor wey everytin don fall comot for under? Olorun modupe lowo yin o!”
Na so di bobo body come dey shake like Shakespeare. Afraid catch am, no be small. No be person tell am make e begin find im way.
E come remain only me and my guonguoro wey don scater patapata. I no come know wetin to do.
As I turn eye look right, I see one towing van. I say make dem come tow my guonguoro from Oshodi, go one mecho workshop for Anifowoshe Ikeja, wey dey near our garage. If I tell una how much I pay make dem tow am, una go cry for me.
As I dey nack una dis tori so, di mecho dem for di workshop jus dey check weda or wedant any spare part dey wey I go buy.
But me, I no dey ready to buy any spare part to come repair am. How much I go spend now wey Naira don become tissue paper?
Na so I carry paper and pen, write “For sale” and put on top. I come dey shout am loud, “Brand new second hand car for sale! Brand new second hand car for sale!! Brand new second hand car for sale!!!”…
Na dat time I hear somebody tap me for my shoulder say, “Oga MAT, your malaria don come again? You don begin dey sale car? Wake up. Shey, you no wan enter road today?”
See as all my union member dem come dey laugh me. I stand up, den come talk am for my mind say, so na dream I dey dream since?
Di first place I rush go na wia I park my guonguoro for our garage. I look am, di ting still tanda paparapa like Standard Bank. I smile.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
