*Replay
Next month go be one year wey everyting for Naija don turn upside down. Man go go right, noting. Go left, noting. Passenger full everywia but no money for pocket to use enter taxi. Shey person wey no see money buy food chop go begin enter taxi?
Now, dem dey tell us say make we get small patience, say price of everyting go soon come down. I know say dat one na tori. Lori iro! Shey, dis our contry wey you know, anyting wey go up don ever come down?
Una go don see say I don vex well well. Why I no go vex? Since last year, to buy petrol put for my guonguoro take work na wahala becos price jus jump up one time like frog. Dem dey tell us subsidy dis, subsidy dat. Subsidy ko, palliative ni.
Ordinary engine oil wey I dey buy take top my engine don become gold. Spare part nko? Dat one na no go area. See my guonguoro wey I dey maintain like baby teletele since wen I start dis my taxi driver work, now di ting look like one kind old mama like dat. Tori Olorun!
Shey, na like dis I go take give my family food? Na like dis I go take pay house rent for Baba Braimoh face-me-I-face-you house wey I dey live with my family for Abule Egba? Na like dis I go take send my two woman pikin – Bisi and Funke – go uniservity?
Yesterday evening, I go drop one passenger like dat for Onigbongbo near Maryland, before I come back for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge, night don show face. Na im I say make I jus branch Madam Shine buka near Airport hotel, go take My Usual calm down small.
As I take My Usual, na so so tink I dey tink. I no even follow anybody talk, even Sikiratu sef. Na wen I take bottle number 4, I look time, I come see say 10 O’clock pm in di night don nearly nack. Na so I pay money kia kia, jump inside my guonguoro and begin drive dey go my house.
Wen I reach house sef, na so I off engine, lock all di door, enter house. I no even baf sef, I no eat, I no comot my clothe, I jus jump inside bed straight.
But to see sleep, for wia. Na so, so tink I dey tink sote I no know wen my wife Bose come lie down with me. As I no gree answer am, Bose sleep lef me.
Di ting wey I don decide as I tink troughout di night be say, I go write “For sale”, add my phone number, and paste am for di body of my guonguoro. If I get lucky and person pay me beta money, I go use di money take start anoder business.
But which kind business I wan do apart from taxi driver work as I don dagba finish so? I no know. And who wan buy dis my guonguoro? I no know.
Sha, Eledumare dey.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you,
Tank you very much,
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigerian media, since 1994.
