Dem dey talk am say body no be wood. And na true talk.
You sef check am nah. Everyday di son of man dey for Lagos road 24/7, dey carry passenger dem upadan.
And na orisirisi tings I dey see for road – di good, di bad, and di OBJ (sorry, abeg no vex. I been wan say “…and di ugly”, but my tongue come sleep. If na lie I talk, make I baf naked for bafroom. Make una helep me wake up dis my tongue before e land me for wahala).
As I been dey talk am tele tele before my tongue sleep, I dey see orisirisi tings for Lagos road in di curse (Olorunmaje) of dis my taxi driver work.
Shey na amu robber dem we go talk, abi na all dis Lagos sisi dem wey go enter my guonguoro for night but begin dey find anoder ting becos dem no wan pay? Dem go tell you say dem wan pay in kind instead of cash. And dem ready to do anyting for you to park for roadside and do dem kini inside di guonguoro. Tori Olorun!
Gbomo gbomo and Area Boy dem nko?
All di orisirisi uniform people sef dey dia o, and dem kukuma plenty – Soja o, Olopa o, Road Safety o, Maja Maja o, LASMA o, Council o – all of dem dey lay ambush for road.
Even VIO dem dey dia. Dose one na wintch, dem no dey leave person. If you like, make eveyting complete for your motor, dem must still find somtin to take catch you. No be wintch be dat?
My broda, e no easy at all, at all. Na im make I dey always tank Eledumare any time I reach house every day.
Dat’s why I don decide say, for Keresimesi day gan gan, I no go jus show face for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. And I no go dey for my house for Abule Egba. No ask me wia I go dey.
Di only ting I fit tell you small for now be say, Sikiratu don already call me from im village wey e travel go see im Mama. E say e must land Lagos tomorrow. E say e don already book online di short time wia di two both of us go dey for Keresimesi day.
But dis ting wey I tell you so na secret o, na confidential matter between me and you. No let my wife Bose, and my two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – hear am o.
I go still tell una how me and Sikiratu take waka.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
