February 14 is Valentine’s Day. Also known as Lovers’ Day, it is a day set aside to celebrate love. Just as there are healthy ways of celebrating love, there are also unhealthy ways of doing so. But first things first!
It is generally believed that Valentine’s Day is named after Saint Valentine, a Christian martyr. However, there are different stories about the exact Valentine the day is meant to honour.
One story centres around a Roman priest named Valentine, who lived during the reign of Emperor Claudius II in the 3rd century. It is said that Claudius believed that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families. As a result, he banned marriages for young men.
However, Valentine is said to have defied the emperor and secretly performed marriages for young couples.
Claudius had Valentine arrested and eventually sentenced him to death when he found out. Valentine is said to have healed the jailer’s blind daughter during his imprisonment. Just before his execution, he sent her a note signed “From your Valentine.” That phrase is still in use today.
Another version of the story suggests that Valentine was executed for helping Christians escape the harsh conditions of Roman prisons. February 14, the day of his death, was later chosen to honour him and became associated with love and affection.
Saint Valentine’s Day, however, became a celebration of love over time, especially in the Middle Ages when courtly love and romantic gestures were in fashion. By the 14th and 15th centuries, it had become a widely recognised day to express love and affection through poems, letters, and small gifts.
Today, Valentine’s Day is observed around the world as a time to show love not only to romantic partners but also to friends and family. It is a day filled with expressions of affection, making it much more than a historical tale!
Unfortunately, in our clime, Valentine’s Day is often marred by unrealistic expectations. The pressure to meet these expectations can have implications for people’s health. The fear of not living up to an expectation, in terms of gifts, gestures, or affection, can trigger heightened stress and worry.
The disappointment that comes from these unmet expectations can also trigger depressive feelings, especially if people feel they are constantly falling short of what their partner or society expects.
In the midst of our harsh economic reality, some may try to “keep up” on Valentine’s Day by borrowing or overspending. This often leads to crushing debts and long-term financial strain. This can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and stress and even lead to depression.
If you are young, Valentine’s Day does not in any way present you with the platform to be foolish; it is not an opportunity to throw your values and strongly held beliefs overboard. Cognitive dissonance often occurs when a person’s values and beliefs conflict with their behaviour. This internal conflict can cause distress, confusion, and mental dissonance, thus contributing to mental health struggles. And who knows? There may be an undesired reward to show for it in nine months if you choose to be foolish for just one day.
It is, therefore, important that you refuse to get sucked in by the Valentine’s Day frenzy.
Maintain healthy boundaries, communicate openly, and approach love with respect for yourself, your partner, and your loved ones.
The truth is that it should not cost you an arm and a tooth (or your future, if you are young) to express your love for those you love and who genuinely love you back. A heartfelt message or note expressing your feelings can have a lasting emotional impact. Personalising it with memories you have shared or qualities you love about the person(s) adds a special touch.
Instead of focusing on expensive or extravagant gifts, you can give something thoughtful and meaningful that shows you appreciate those you love. It could be a favourite book, a framed photo, a tie, an affordable piece of jewellery, or something you know they will truly love and enjoy.
Sometimes, the best way to express love is simply by being present. You can plan the day or evening to fully focus on the person or those you love — no distractions, just enjoying one another’s company. Whether it is watching a movie, taking a walk, or enjoying a cosy dinner at home, time spent together is priceless.
And Valentine’s Day does not have to be just about romantic love or loving those dear to you. You can spread love through small acts of kindness—like complimenting a stranger, helping someone in need, or donating to a charity. This creates a loving and healthy atmosphere that extends far beyond one day.
Remember, it is a season of celebrating love. And love gives and is considerate—of self and others. You need to set boundaries (if you have not already done so) as you prepare to join in the celebration and celebrate only in ways that are healthy. It will be self-defeating if you compromise your values, health, or future trying to prove your love for anyone.
Happy celebrations!
*Ojenagbon, a health communication expert, lives in Lagos
