Di kind cold wey dey now, if all dis sisi and bobo dem no take time, Naija go reach 2 billion people after nine months.
No be sisi and bobo dem alone, even husband and wife dem dey inside.
Now, to stand up for bed for morning, put my guonguoro for road, na wahala. To baf cold water sef, dat one na no go area. Di kind hot water wey I dey take baf now go even comot feather for fowl body patapata.
For night, wen I close for our garage, I go branch for Madam Shine buka, take My Usual, plus Point-and-Kill, before I begin go our house wey dey for Abule Egba.
Di cold for night na im even wicked pass morning own. E dey be like say person dey for obodo oyibo, wen be say ordinary Cotonu sef man never cross enter before.
Na so cold nearly finish me for night yesterday wen I reach house. I see say everybody don sleep, cover dia body patapata.
My wife Bose dey for bed inside room. My two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – sleep for parlour as usual.
Na so I jump enter bed. I touch Bose small, I see say e don sleep go. And di kind cold wey hammer me dat night na helele.
Bose face wall, I shift my body near am, na so my kini jus tanda like Standard Bank. Tori Olorun!
I touch Bose again, e no shake body. I talk am for my mind say today na today. I touch am again, Bose move body small. I touch am again, na dat time e ask me wetin dey happen, and na with sleep eye e take ask me o.
I tell my wife say cold dey catch me, say I wan make e cover me. Bose ask me weda na im be blanket. E say if cold dey catch me, make I go find wrapper cover my body. My broda, I weak.
I come shake Bose well well, I tell am say e must cover me, say na im be di only wife wey I get.
Bose tell me say abeg make I no disturb am again, make I let am sleep or e go comot for bed go lie down for ground. Olorun Oba o!
And true true, wen I touch Bose again, na so e jump comot go carry mat, put for ground and lie down. So, my wife no wan make we do bend-bend sleep again. Ewo!
(To be continued)
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you,
Tank you very much,
And tank you very very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
