I talk am last week say I go nack una di tori as me and Sikiratu waka for Keresimesi.
I tell una say na for inside one short time like dat wey my Siki Babe book for Oshodi di two both of us go do our Keresimesi. I tell una say na secret o, na between me and you, say Bose my wife and my two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – must not hear.
But di ting be say, if you still wan make I talk wetin me and Sikiratu do for inside dat short time room, na im be say you be original Amebo. Gbeborun! Wetin you wan hear?
Di tori wey I wan nack today na ogbonge tori. Cinema full for Lagos road as di year wan finish so. Any corner you go for Lagos now, na orisirisi you go see. And na we taxi driver dey see pass.
Yesterday, I carry one passenger like dat go drop for Satellite Town wey dey after Festac Town for Mile 2-Badagry Expressway.
As I drop my passenger begin come back, say make I connect Oshodi, come see people full for road for Maza Maza bus stop.
One mind tell me say make I revise back go take LASU-Egbeda road, anoder mind say make I jus dey go.
I see say everybody jus dey curse one sisi like dat, dem dey speak sometin wey resemble Igbo, but e no come be di kind Igbo wey I dey hear our union member Emeka dey speak with im people wen dem come visit am for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge.
E come be say all di people wey dey curse di sisi for Maza Maza na from di same village becos na di same wey dem dey talk.
As dem jus see me with my guonguoro, dem stop me. Dem say make I park well. Dem say dem wan carry my guonguoro for charter. My belle come sweet well well. Shey, no be money I dey work for?
Na so all di bobo dem drag dat sisi to put for di back seat of my guonguoro. Di sisi no wan enter before, but dem overpower am. Dem bundle am into my guonguoro. All di woman dem jus dey curse di sisi. I talk am for my mind say today na today.
Small time, two bobo enter di back seat with di sisi, anoder bobo jump enter front seat.
I wait ti-ti-ti-ti make dem tell me wia I dey carry dem go, nobody gree talk, instead dem jus dey shout, “Driver dey go! We must go drop dis useless woman for im papa and mama”.
Na wen one man wey tanda for dia use pidgin dey tell anoder man wetin di sisi do, na dat time di hole ting come clear me:
Di sisi na wife of one bobo for dat area. Dem born one pikin but di sisi dey waka waka, sote anoder man rent house for am. Di sisi lef im pikin wey no reach two years for di husband, pack im load comot for house till dem catch am. All dia village people know say di sisi dey husband house but im nyansh no dey siddon one place. Dem ask am weda or wedan’t im husband no dey nack am well, e say e dey nack am. Dem ask am weda di husband no dey take care of di family. E say e dey take care. So wetin e come dey find for outside again, sote e drop im pikin run follow anoder man and e no dey even allow im husband near am again? Na di question wey answer no dey till night come.
Na dat time I come ask di people inside my guonguoro wia I dey carry dem go. Dem say dem wan go drop di ashewo housewife for im family for Ebonyi State. Tori Olorun!
Na im I tell dem say na Lagos taxi driver I be.
Me, go Ebonyi State make unknown gunmen use my head do pepper soup? Emi ko!
As dem come down to go find anoder motor, na so I open my ignition, start engine, put am for gear one and move.
Carry una cinema go. No be me and una for dis end of year.
Make we jam again next Saturday for New Year.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
