Replay
If dis our Naija no kill man pikin, man pikin go kill Naija.
Everyting don turn upside down for our contry. Light no dey as national grid dey collapse per second, per second. Money no dey, food no dey. And di one wey worry me pass now na petrol. To buy petrol now na like gold.
Today, dem go say Dangote don reduce petrol price, tomorrow dem go say Dangote don increase petrol price.
And now, dem don kukuma put di hole petrol matter for Iran war head. Dem say na Strait of Hormuz or wetin dem call am sef, no allow petrol reach Naija again. See me, see troublem o, wetin concern Iran and America with Naija?
And without petrol, na im be say we taxi driver no get work again be dat. Shey, na pure water we go dey use drive our taxi?
Everyday, na so we go siddon for our garage wey dey near Ikeja Under Bridge, from morning till night, no passenger go show face. People no get money to enter taxi again. Tori Olorun!
Na so I siddon yesterday for garage dey tink ti-ti-ti-ti. 12 O’clock pm in di afternoon don nack, no passenger. 1 O’clock, 2 O’clock, di same ting. Kilode?
I talk am for my mind say, if I close for evening begin go our house for Abule Egba, wetin my family go chop? And na weekend we dey.
Na im I quick, quick, use my head do arithmetic. I enter my guonguoro, drive am go di order side of di under bridge wey danfo dem dey load passenger go Maryland. Na so I stop, come out, open all my door down. Agbero dem for bus stop come dey hail me, “Oga MAT wetin happen o! Why you comot for taxi park come join danfo dem for bus stop? Twale!!!”
I ask dem weda dem no see as Naija be now. I say passenger dem no dey near our garage again from morning till night. I tell di agbero dem to begin load my guonguoro, di same money wey danfo dey collect to Maryland. I give di four both of dem N1000.
Before I open eye sef, my guonguoro don full – two passenger for front, five for backseat. Dem even ask weda make dem put passenger for inside boot or on top of my guonguoro roof. Olorun Oba o!
I don carry my passenger dem dey go be dat.
One passenger drop for Police College, one drop for Ikeja Country Club junction, two drop for Abule bus stop, one drop for Leventis. And as dem dey drop, na so I dey carry anoder passenger, like danfo.
Everybody come down for Maryland. Na so I turn my guonguoro face Ikeja, begin call passenger dem again.
My broda, as I reach our garage, my pocket don full. I jus use style begin go Madam Shine buka to take My Usual before I go house.
Man pikin no go come peme for dis Naija becos of petrol say or petrol no say. Iran war don bring new sense. Cunny man peme, cunny man bury am.
I know say if I tell our union member dem dis new sense, all of dem go begin dey do di same ting. But no be now I go tell dem, make dem no takeover di new sense from me.
Make we jam again on Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
