Replay
My broda, di kind tings wey my eye dey hear and my ear dey see dis days, e get as e be.
Na im make I don stop to dey listen for news for radio, tv or newspaper again becos no better news dey again. Since di radio wey dey inside my guonguoro spoil, I no gree repair am.
Now, di only news you go dey hear na “Baba sope, Baba sope”. Shey, Baba sope na news?
So, now, as I dey do my taxi driver work everyday, na di passenger dem wey I dey carry I dey tap news from. You kukuma trust passenger, wen dem jus enter my guonguoro, na so, so talk dem go dey talk. Some go dey make phone call and put am for speaker, I go come dey hear wetin di two both of dem dey talk. Na so me sef go jus do like say my mind no dey for wetin dem dey talk, I go jus dey drive dey go. Dem no go know say everyting dem talk dey inside my head.
Since dis week, di only ting wey all my passenger dem dey talk about na JAMB. Na so I come know say, dis year, JAMB fail all di pikin dem wey take dia exam, dis na after JAMB don collect like N15 billion from dem o. Shey, no be kalokalo be dat? Dat wan sef pass MMM.
I hear say after di result don come out, na so JAMB Oga, Prof kini ko, kini ko, come dey run im mouth like tap say, na becos of sometin wey im do dis year, na im make dose pikin dem wey take di exam no fit cheat, dat na why all of dem fail. Shiooorrr!!!
But di hole world come dey shout, dey give am babanla curse. Dem come find out say na di tokunbo computer wey JAMB use dis year for di exam na im cause wahala. Dem say fever catch di computer wen di exam dey go on. Di computer come get gli…glitc…glitches. Tori Olorun!
I come talk am for my mind say, no be dat same fever wey INEC machine get for 2023 election wey bring Emilokan? Olorun Oba o!
Den I come hear say, di JAMB Oga come begin confess im sin, come talk say true, true na JAMB computer cause di wahala. E come begin cry like small pikin. Cry ko, weep ni.
Di true ting be say, since long time now, na so JAMB dey jam all di pikin dem wey dey take dia exam. But dis year, fowl nyansh don open, JAMB come jam imsef.
In short, JAMB don jam JAMB.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
