Replay
I dey always talk am say, na Funke tear eye pass di two woman pikin dem wey my wife Bose born for me. Di senior sister Bisi na gentle pikin but im sister Funke na inwi. Im gragra two much.
Na so Funke begin dey follow one Fulani herdsman like dat wey dey carry cow waka for all di street and bush for our area Abule Egba. Na im senior sister report am to me. Wen I ask Funke wetin im and di Aboki get in comon, e tell me say, “Nothing, he is just a friend, Daddy.”
A friend with Fulani herdsman? Dis my second woman pikin no go kill me o. Tori Olorun!
We never talk dat one finish, on Monday dis week, Funke say e wan bring man wey e wan marry come show me and im Mama. I ask am weda e don reach to marry wen be say im senior sister dey plan to enter uniservity.
Funke tell me say na im sister own be dat, say e ready to marry, and na oyibo e wan marry.
Ehn? Oyibo? For wia my pikin see oyibo wey e wan marry?
But make I no lie, di ting sweet me for mind gan say my pikin wan marry oyibo. I come talk am for my mind say, so, me sef go begin dey count my money in dollar. Olorun Oba o!
| ask Funke which day e wan bring di oyibo come house make we see am. E say Friday (wey be yesterday). I say no troublem, say I go give im Mama money make e use cook better point-and-kill and I go buy correct wine to take welcome our oyibo son in-law.
Yesterday, I no go work, I park my guonguoro for our compound for Abule Egba. I no just reach our garage wey dey near Ikeja Under Bridge. All of us dey wait for oyibo to come.
I look time, 11 O’clock a.m. in di morning don nack. I ask Funke weda im oyibo husband no go come again. Funke tell me say oyibo dey come for road, say e don nearly reach our house sef.
Small time I hear okada sound pruumm, pruumm, pruumm for outside. Funke run come tell me say im oyibo husband-to-be don land. I tell am make e bring am inside quick quick, make e no allow my oyibo son in-law wait for outside for too long.
Wen Funke bring oyibo inside, my broda, I shock, I nearly faint!
I ask Wasiu wey we dey call oyibo for garage wetin e dey find for my house. Wasiu say na im wan marry my second woman pikin Funke. I ask am, you? E say yes nah. Tori Olorun!
See me see wahala o. So, my pikin don look all di man dem wey dey for dis world finish, na Wasiu e wan marry. Afin wey im eye be half past four. Afin wey be agbero wey dey load passenger motor for lpodo. Afin wey to smoke igbo upandan be im own, na im my pikin wan marry?
As I rush enter room, before I come out, Afin don disappear. E know wetin I want bring come. I for use my sharp matchet cut dat im red head comot dat yesterday. Aswe! Oyibo ko, Oyingbo market ni.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994*
