Since two week now, na so, so Trump dey for all Naija people mouth. You go to market, na Trump. Go to church or mosque, na Trump. Go to any school, na Trump. Waka for road or enter taxi, BRT, danfo, Keke Marwa or Okada, na Trump.
Di ting come get as e be since two Friday wey pass wen dat America Oyibo, Trump, warn our Oga Patapata say make e stop all di kill kill for Naija wey dey target Christian dem.
I hear say afraid come catch Oga Patapata and e promise Trump say e go make sure say di kill kill stop dat very day.
But di ting come be say, instead make di kill kill stop, na now dem come dey kill people pass for Naija. Every day now, if e no be school, na church. Dem go kill some, carry plenty inside bush. Tori Olorun!
Di kill kill don come make everybody confuse. Na everybody confuse now, no be only Oga Patapata. Nobody know di day and time Trump go enter Naija come begin fight to stop di kill kill, as Oga Patapata no fit stop am.
Dis morning, as I dey warm my guonguoro engine make I begin go our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge, na im Baba Braimoh, di landlord of di face-me-I-face-you house wey I dey live with my family for Abule Egba, waka come meet me.
I surprise say Baba Braimoh come meet me for dat kind early morning.
E greet me, “Baba Bisi e karo o”. I shock. I talk am for my mind say Baba Braimoh wey be say to greet tenant dey hard am, na so so shout e sabi shout for tenant head.
Me sef answer am say, “e karo o, Baba Braimoh”. I ask am hope no troublem. E say e get somtin wey e wan tell me. I say go on saun.
Baba Braimoh say e wan tell me say, dat my house rent wey e jus increase last month, make I forgot am, make I continue to pay wetin I dey pay teletele.
Baba Braimoh no even wait make I ask am why. Quick, quick e talk say everybody now dey talk am everywia say one oyibo dey come Naija to fight our Oga Patapata and everybody wey dey disturb Christian dem. E say dem talk say dat Oyibo no dey laugh at all, say if e bring im soja dem come, anybody wey dey make wahala don peme be dat.
Baba Braimoh say, as e be say di Oyibo no gree tell anybody di day and di time e go land for Naija, na im make e no wan enter di oyibo wahala becos of house rent.
I ask Baba Braimoh which oyibo e dey talk about, e say e hear say im name na Trump. Laugh nearly comot for my mouth.
I tell am say I don hear wetin e talk about my house rent. Baba Braimoh tank me well well, e wan dobale for me sef but I hold am. Na so e begin go back, as e still dey tank me.
My broda, as Baba Braimoh go, come see laugh. Di only ting wey comot for my mouth na, “Dis Trump sef, na wa ooo!” Only im name don dey fight for Naija. Shiooohhh!!!
Make we jam again next week.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
