If dis our Naija no kill man pikin, man pikin go kill Naija. I swear!
Everyting don turn upside down for our contry. Light no dey as national grid dey collapse every minute. Money no dey, food no dey. And di one wey worry me pass na petrol. To buy petrol now na like gold. Today dem go tell us say petrol price don come down, tomorrow dem go say petrol price don go up again. Petrol and Naira now na Taiwo and Kehinde – twins. Na so di two both of dem jus dey go upandan. Tori Olorun!
And without petrol, na im be say we taxi driver no get work again be dat.
Everyday, na so we go siddon for our garage wey dey near Ikeja Under Bridge, from morning till night, no passenger go show face. People no get money to enter taxi again. Olorun Oba o!
Na so I siddon yesterday for garage dey tink ti-ti-ti-ti. 12 O’clock pm in di afternoon don nack, no passenger. 1 O’clock, 2 O’clock, di same ting. Kilode?
I talk am for my mind say, if I close for evening begin go our house for Abule Egba, wetin my family go chop? And na weekend we dey so.
Na im I quick, quick use my head do aritmetic. I enter my guonguoro, drive am go di order side of di road wey danfo dem dey load passenger go Maryland. Na so I stop, come out, open all my door down. Agbero dem for di bus stop come dey hail me, “Oga MAT wetin happen for dis new year o! Why you comot for taxi park come join danfo dem for bus stop? Twale Baba!!!”
I ask dem weda dem no see as Naija dey now. I say passenger dem no dey come near our garage again from morning till night. I tell Dem to begin load my guonguoro, di same money wey danfo dey collect go Maryland. I give di four both of dem 1k. Agbero dem head scata patapata.
Before I open eye sef, my guonguoro don full – two passenger for front, five for backseat. Dem even ask me weda make dem put anoder passenger for inside boot.
I don carry my passenger dem dey go be dat.
As we dey go, one passenger drop for Police College, one drop for Ikeja Country Club junction, two drop for Abule bus stop, one drop for Leventis bus stop. And as dem dey drop, na so I dey carry anoder passenger like danfo.
Everybody come down for Maryland. Na so I turn my guonguoro face Ikeja, begin load passenger dem again.
My broda, as I reach our garage, my pocket don full. I jus use style dey go Madam Shine buka to take My Usual before I begin go house.
Man pikin no go come peme for Naija for dis new year.
Helep me say Amin!
Make we jam again on Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
