Una kukuma remember say, as Keresimasi near last year, na so all dose Lagos sisi dem dey come dey rush me make I do Keresimasi for dem.
Even all di sisi wey no dey greet me for our street for Abule Egba, if dem see me dat time, dem go first smile, den dobale, and begin greet me, “Daddy Bisi, good morning sir. Well don sir. Shey work dey go on fine sir? Happy Keresimasi and merry New Year in advance sir.”
For our garage nko? Abosede come, di mobile buka girl wey dey carry Ewa Agoyin for head waka come sell for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. I tink say na market Abosede come sell o, I no know say e come tell me make I no forgot am for Keresimasi.
Jumoke, wey dey bring Monkeytail come sell for our union member dem like Mutiu, come ask me for di ting wey I go give am for Keresimasi.
Aisha wey dey come sell hot Agbo for our garage, also do di same ting.
Di one wey shock me pass na wen I don go drop my passenger for Idumota around 12 O’clock pm in di afternoon, come back say make I rest small for garage, na im one woman waka enter garage.
Wen I look di woman ti-ti-ti-ti, I see say na Madam Shine, di woman wey get di joint wey Sikiratu dey work and wey I dey go take My Usual for evening after work. But since wey Sikiratu travel go village for dat odun, I no go Madam Shine buka. Na anoder joint I dey go nack My Usual before I begin go house.
I ask Madam Shine wetin happen wey make am come our garage for di first time. Di woman say e jus say make e come greet me.
Madam Shine begin ask me why e no see me since. I tell am say na work. E say na lie. E say na becos Sikiratu travel go village to do Keresimasi with im one-eye mama. Di next ting be say, Madam Shine ask me wetin I go take do Keresimasi for am.
I talk am for my mind say shiooo! Shey, na me dem born for Keresimasi?
My broda, na so I took off o, I no show face again for our garage since dat Keresimasi. I know say dem go don go find me tire. For wia! Me wey don go pack my guonguoro for our house for Abule Egba!
Na yesterday I say make I show face again for our garage since dat Keresimasi.
All our union member dem happy to meet again since last year. But some never come back sha. Emeka, Akpan and Mutiu still dey for dia village, I no know wetin dey hold dem, weda dem no see money pay transport come back Lagos, even after Baba don talk say e go pay half of dia transport money for dem.
But we wey remain for Lagos happy to meet again, no be small. Our union Chairman Jimoh, our Treasurer Idowu and me Oga MAT wey be Akowe, our own na no leave, no transfer. Na we be di original Lagosians!
Na so di three both of us come dey pray for oursef dat yesterday for garage. Everybody come dey talk im new year re…reso…resolu…resolut… Abeg, una know wetin I wan talk, make I no come bite my tongue becos of oyibo. Wetin I mean na new year swear.
Jimoh say e no go marry anoder wife join di 8 wey e get. Idowu say e no go nack any sisi again dis year, as e be say any sisi wey e jus meet small must carry belle and born twins, and na so e don get pikin every corner for Lagos.
My own swear be say, dis year o, if any sisi like make e turn im head upside down, na only my wife Bose, di mama of my two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – I know. Any order woman na fake like all dose university and Prof dem cerfiticate.
Wen I swear like dat, Jimoh and Idowu begin laugh. I ask dem wetin make dem laugh, na im Idowu ask me weda or wedant I no wan Sikiratu again.
If you see di kind eye wey I take look Idowu, hmm, if small pikin see my face dat time, e must to get confulsion.
I know say all of dem for dat our garage don dey target Sikiratu, dem dey pray make me and my Siki Babe no dey again so dat dem go rush am. But Eledumare no go answer dat dia wicked prayer. Helep me say Amin!
Make we jam again on Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigerian media, since 1994.
