…Continued from last edition
As Bose push me dat night comot for bed make I nack my head for ground pppossaahh!!!, e no stop dia o.
Bose come begin dey shout dat night. Notin wey my wife no tell me. Bose curse me like say I tief im ting. E say I don dagba finish, I no wan respect mysef. E say shebi e don dey tell me say make I go marry anoder wife as e be say I no fit control mysef. E say since I don begin dey do kini, wetin I don take am do if no be dis two woman pikin wey we born, wen be say my mate dem na nimonaire, dem buy big big motor and build fine fine house for Lekki and VGC, and even for Banana Island. E say my own I dey here dey disturb am every night for dis Baba Briamoh face-me-I-face-you house wey we be tenant sef. Tori Olorun!
Shame catch me, no be small. Even tief wey dem catch wey tief person ting sef no shame like me.
Di next ting be say, I hear “Chisos! My eye o!! I don blind o!!!”
Na so me and Bose rush enter parlour. We come see say our two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke – dey fight. Funke land one dirty slap for im senior sister eye, na so Bisi come begin shout dat night.
My wife come knock Funke for head, e begin curse Funke why e dey fight im senior sister every time. E ask Funke why e no dey respect im sister, weda e no know say na Bisi senior am.
Na dat time Funke begin face im Mama. E ask im Mama why e go knock im head. E say weda im Papa dey knock im head every night wey e dey fight im Papa. E ask im Mama weda e tink say dem no dey hear as e dey curse dia Papa for midnight. E ask im Mama why e no dey respect im Papa, weda e no know say im Papa pay bride price for im head. E say every night na war for inside bedroom.
Dat time, no body fit talk pim. Everybody mouth gum patapata.
Na so I stand for dia like Standard Bank. My body come dey shake like Shakespeare. Bose jus use style go back to bedroom. Bisi lie down, cover body to begin sleep again. Funke go lie down for chair.
I come talk am for my mind say, as my house don turn to war front like Israel and Iran so, wen morning show face small, I go jus disappear. Me sef go go for vacation. Wia I go travel go do my own vacation, I no go tell anybody. If I like, I go travel from one town to anoder, from one state to anoder, from one contry to anoder, e no concern anybody.
Make we jam again on Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
