Yesterday wey be Good Friday, I carry husband and wife for morning go church wey dey inside Omole Estate for Ojodu Berger side.
As I jus drop dem, come out for di main road wey I go begin drive go back to our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge, two bobo and two sisi like dat stop me, dem say make I carry dem for drop go St Leo wey dey Toyin Street for Ikeja. I tell dem my money, dem gree. I say make dem enter. Na so I carry dem pass Omole junction, enter Agidingbi Road, burst out for Allen Junction, den go drop dem for St Leo.
As dem jus come down, I see anoder passenger wey say e dey go Dopemu, say e wan go attend church service. I tell am my price, e gree. I say make e enter, e enter for back seat. Na im I carry am go drop.
Na so I dey carry, carry passenger dem, dey go round di hole Lagos for dat yesterday morning. And you sabi wetin dat one mean for my pocket. My broda, yesterday Good Friday favour me, no be small. Make I talk true, e don tey wen I see dat kind money wey I make dat yesterday. Olorun Oba o!
As I jus drop di last passenger, I look time, 11 O’clock am in di morning don nack, na im I say make I go rest for my house, after all, no be me kill Jesus. And gofment don kukuma declare dat yesterday public holiday. Shey, na bad ting say make taxi driver follow do holiday?
As I jus drive enter our compound for Abule Egba, na im my second woman pikin, Funke, rush come meet me for outside. E no even allow me come down for my guonguoro. E say “Daddy, na my prayer bring you come back house dis morning, wey be say na for night you dey always come back”. I ask am of im mama, and im sister, Bisi. E say dem dey cook for kitchen. As we jus enter house, Funke say e get wetin e wan tell me. I come talk am for my mind say hmm, dis one wey dis my pikin no even allow me drink water, abi e don see husband? Noting wey Funke no fit do, di girl eye too tear, and I know come know who e resemble, weda na me or im mama.
I siddon for parlour, Funke come siddon near me. E call me Daddy. I answer am Funke. E say di ting wey e wan tell me be say, e wan join Military. I say military? E say yes, Army? I say you mean say you wan be Soja? E say yes.
I ask am say, so upon all di work wey full dis world, na soja e wan be? Funke tell me say e dey always like soja uniform wen e see dem, especially woman soja. E say na so dem go wear di uniform wey dem don starch and iron am finish, den dem go use one big belt take tie dia waist, wear heavy boot for leg and begin go for office for inside Barracks.
I ask Funke say, weda na to wear uniform na im be soja work. I ask am weda e no know say soja work na to go fight war for inside bush. E say Daddy no war for Naija nah.
I say you see yourself, which war pass di one wey we dey inside so for dis our contry? I tell am say no be only one war sef, na plenty war we dey fight. I say Boko Haram dey dia, IPOB dey dia, Bandits and dia senior broda, Terrorists dey one corner. Kidnappers and Gbomo-gbomo nko? Plus including Amu robber and One Chance dem. Even Palliative war wey dey kill people everyday still dey dia o.
I ask am if e join soja, and dem send am to go fight any of dis war, weda e go fit. Funke tell me, why not. Tori Olorun!
E tell me say e don even bring Form sef to take apply, say na only for me to sign remain. E go inside room and bring di form for me. I collect am. I say okay. E ask me which day I go sign di form. I no answer am. E ask again, I no mind am. E tell me make I try sign the form quick, say e need to return am today.
As e talk dat one finish, e comot to go meet im mama and sister for kitchen.
Na so I jus carry di form up, bring am down, den fold am and put am inside my shokoto trouser pocket. Di ting wey I go do to dat form, na only for my mind e dey.
Soja ko, Olopa ni. You wan make dem go kill you for Okuama? No be me and you.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you,
Tank you very much,
And tank you very very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigerian media, since 1994.
