Wahala no dey finish for dis our Naija. Tell me, how wahala go finish wen be say, everyday, all dis Lagos sisi dem go dey bring out sometin wey dem go take catch man.
Now na for phone e dey happen. Sisi dem go take photo, do video and post for TikTok wey dey inside phone. And di kind photo and video wey dem dey post, hmmm, na di type wey be say, if any bobo see am, e must to swallow saliva. Dem fit use am catch pastor, imam or even babalawo sef.
Me, wetin concern me. Na my taxi driver work I dey face. Wen I comot for our house for Abule Egba for morning, go reach our garage wey dey near Ikeja Under Bridge, I go park my guonguoro, siddon dey wait for passenger wey I go carry for Drop or for Chatter. Na only call I dey receive with my torchlight chinko phone – no photo, no video. Wetin concern agbero with overload?
If no be say yesterday as I dey wait for passenger to come, our union member, Akpan, run come show me sometin wey e see for im iPhone.
As Akpan run dey come wia I siddon for di bench wey dey our garage, na so e dey shout, “Oga MAT! Oga MAT!! Come see your babe, e don become star for TikTok o!!!
Na so all our union member dem wey dey for garage dat morning, rush come to look wetin Akpan wan show me.
And true, true, wen we look Akpan phone, come see as Sikiratu dey dance for TikTok video.
No be only dance o, na so Sikiratu dey dance dey bring out tongue like say e wan lick sometin. E go dey shake im nyansh, dey carry leg up make everybody see di dross wey e wear for under di short skirt wey e wear. And na so e go dey shake di two ripe pawpaw wey dey for im chest. Tori Olorun!
As Sikiratu dey dance for di TikTok video, I use style dey look all our union member dia face. Na so all of dem just dey swallow saliva. E be dem like say make dem break Akpan phone, open am and bring out Sikiratu and chop am raw. Olorun Oba o!
Come see as all di bobo dem for di hole world Like, Love and Comment, as Sikiratu dey dance for di video, small remain make e dance naked.
Some of dem comment say, “Sweet Babe, I love you”, “Will you marry me?”, “Where do you live? I want to come and pay your bride price”, “Can I have you my darling in my bed this weekend?”.
I come talk am for my mind say, see dis girl wey dey wash plate and serve customer dem for Madam Shine Buka o. Now, e go tink say all dis bobo dem wey dey comment, love am.
No wonder Sikiratu no dey pick my call again since wen e don dey dance naked for TikTok. E tink say e don become star be dat. E don trowey me for gutter. My Siki Babe?
No troublem. But make Sikiratu make mistake go meet di bobo dem, na dat time e go know say khaki no be leather. E go hear nwi for dia hand. Dem go show am pepper for dia house as dat oga show dat nurse, abi doctor or na fisi…fisio…fisiote…
Abeg make una helep me complete am make I no come bite my tongue.
Make we jam again on Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
