See me see troublem o. I dey my own jeje, wahala carry imsef wan come spoil my own. But na lie. E no fit happen lai lai.
Dis my taxi driver work don teach me sense gan. Na today?
Work wey I don dey do since I run comot for my village for Ogbomoso, come learn mecho work, before I begin dey drive for Lagos road everyday.
Any Lagos taxi driver wey no get sense, na im be say e no go ever get sense for im life. E go peme as mumu. Dat one no be my portion.
I dey my own yesterday morning for our garage wey dey near Ikeja Under Bridge, dey tink of my life as petrol don dey cost again. Dem say na America and Iran war cause am. But me I know say na lie dem talk. Wetin concern Iran with Naija, abi America sef? Wetin concern agbero with overload?
Na so dat yesterday morning, one bobo like dat waka enter our garage. If you see dis bobo as e dress, plus including di kind leather portfolio wey e carry for hand, hmm, you go tink say sinator don come our garage.
Di bobo come dey talk oyibo. E first go meet our union member, Mutiu. Dat one wey don use monkey tail and igbo scatter im brain no hear anytin wey di bobo dey ask am. But sha I hear say di bobo dey ask Mutiu to show am Oga MAT.
As I jus hear my name, na im I jump up, go meet di bobo. E say, “So you are that Oga MAT I have been hearing of?” I say yes.
“Your name is all over Abuja as the best taxi driver in Lagos”. I tell am tank you.
“I was directed to come to this garage and meet you immediately I land at the airport so you can carry me with your taxi on charter to Alausa Secretariat to meet with the governor”. I say no wahala, my work na to carry passenger go anywia for Lagos – drop or charter.
I tell am my price, e say e go even pay me double. Olorun Oba o!
Na so I open door make e enter owner seat. I run go my driver seat and enter. I open ignition, turn on engine, put am for gear one. We don begin dey go Alausa Secretariat be dat.
As e jus enter my guonguoro, na so so call di bobo dey make. E tink say as I dey drive, my mind no dey for wetin e dey talk for phone with di person wey e jus dey answer yes boss, yes boss.
E dey tell im boss say e dey on im wey to go meet one oga for Alausa Secretariat make e show am wey e go use as im agency office as DG. From dia, e go enter budget office make dem include dia agency for 2027 budget make Assembly approve.
E tell im boss for phone say di money wey e direct am to go collect from one big man like dat for Abuja dey inside im portfolio wey e go use settle one big man like dat for governor office, wey go make everytin work out as dem plan am.
As I dey hear all dis ting wey di bobo dey talk with im oga for phone, I jus dey tink of di next ting wey I go do.
We reach governor office for Alausa Secretariat, na im di bobo say make I wait for am for car park. E say if anybody ask me anytin, make I tell di person say na Mr Dele Adeyemi I dey wait for.
I no know wen I shout, Adeyemi broda? Tori Olorun!
I do like say I wan drive enter car park. As di bobo jus waka enter di reception, I don fire my guonguoro dey go be dat.
No be tomorrow now wen olopa catch you, you go talk say na Oga MAT carry you. No be me and you.
Make we jam again on Saturday.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994
