I no trust anybody for dis my taxi driver work. Noting wey my mouth never see in di curse (Olorun maje!) of my work for Lagos road everyday.
Dem plenty: Amu robber o, Gbomo gbomo dem wey don upgrade now to kidnapper o, Oloso o, Ritualist o, Yahoo Boys o!
But di one wey bad pass na all dis Lagos sisi dem wey person tink say e know well well.
See like Abosede, di mobile buka girl wey dey always carry Ewa Agonyi for head come dey sell for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge.
Abosede surprise me yesterday gan. E find me come for garage, I tink say e wan tune me make I buy im market dat early morning, I for tell am say Bose my wife don give me food chop before I comot for house.
But I Abosede tell me say e get wetin e wan tell me. I tell am go on saun.
E say, e sabi say e don tey wen I go night school for my village for Ogbomoso before I come Lagos in 1965 to learn mecho work.
I tell Abosede make e lef history and go straight to di point.
Na im Abosede say, e know say I go sabi dis new but old national anthem wey Baba bring back so. E say e wan make I teach am.
I ask am wetin e wan use national anthem do, weda e wan sing am as e dey sell Ewa Agonyi for im customer dem. E say no, e jus wan sabi am becos nobody know tomorrow, say anyting fit happen.
I tell Abosede say if na so, no troublem. I ask am which day e wan make I begin teach am. Shebi e no pass “Nigeria We Hell Di”.
Abosede come tell me say e don arrange one short time for Oshodi wey only di two both of us go go next weekend, say na for inside dia I go teach am di national anthem. E say make I no worry about money, say e don already pay for di room sef, and e go even pay me wen I teach am finish.
I ask am how much e go pay me, e say no be cash o, say e go pay me in kind.
I come ask am weda na Uber we go take go dia, e say na my guonguoro we go use nah. Tori Olorun!
Na dat time I begin suspect Abosede. I tell am say koburu, say I go tink about di proposal. Abosede tank me and lef.
I come talk am for my mind say, so dis mobile buka girl tink say e get sense well, well? How we sure say e never plan finish with all dose Agbero dem for Oshodi make dem seize my guonguoro wen we dey for inside di short time, like China do Naija?
No be me and you! National anthem ko, national pledge ni.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you,
Tank you very much,
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
