…Continued from last Saturday episode
As my wife Bose, jump comot for bed, go lie down for ground for dat kind cold night, I no come sabi wetin I go do again. And sleep no wan catch me. How sleep go catch me wen my kini still tanda paparapa like Standard Bank and my body dey shake like Shakespeare? Tori Olorun!
Na so I come dey look ceiling ti-ti-ti-ti like say I drink one drum of Lookozade.
I no come know wen small sleep catch me. Wen I open my eye, morning don show face.
Bose stand up to go our face-me-I-face-you kitchen to prepare wetin I go chop before I begin go do my taxi driver work dat morning. I tell am make e no worry to cook anyting for me, say I no hungry. I tell am say, shebi na im dey carry church for head, weda or wedan’t dia pastor never preach for dat dia church say “man shall not live by bread alone”.
I tell Bose say, shebi e sabi di kind work wey I dey do, say for dis my taxi driver work, I dey see orisirisi sisi dem for Lagos road every day – from morning till night. I tell am make e no dey do shakara for me, after all, na second hand she be.
Na dat time Bose talk say, im sef don dey wait since to tell me say, as I no fit use rope take tie my kini as agbalagba, make I go marry all dose brand new sisi dem wey I dey see for Lagos road, make e rest.
E say e no get power again to do dat ting wey I dey find for night. E say e no be small pikin again, e don dagba, and shebi I call am second hand.
I ask Bose say you mean am? E say yes. I ask again, e say yes. I ask am again, e still say yes. I ask am how many times I ask am so? E say na three times, and e still say yes. I tell my wife say I hear, no troublem, lagbara Olorun.
So now, you wey dey read dis my tori so, you be my witness say my wife Bose, don give me permit say make I marry brand new wife wey go dey service me anyhow, anytime and anywia!
Abeg, if you be fine sisi wey everyting still tanda for your body kakaraka – front and back – make you come see me tomorrow by 8 o’clock a.m. in di morning for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. Jus tell anybody you see for dia say na Oga MAT you come meet for vacancy.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you,
Tank you very much,
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
