Everyday, na so Naija people go dey carry Dangote name waka upandan. For beer parlour o, na Dangote. For market o, na Dangote. For motor park, school, church, mosque, even shrine o, na Dangote. Na wetin Dangote do una sef? Tori Olorun!
Yesterday, I open my red eye for one passenger wey come our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. Di bobo say make I carry am for drop go Costain, wey dey after Ojuelegba. I say no wahala. E say I go drive quick, quick go drop am becos e get one business meeting for one office for dia, I say no troublem.
Di bobo wan open door of my guonguoro enter for front seat, I tell am say no be like dat, say e never talk price.
Di bobo ask me how much make e pay, I tell am my price. Come see as di bobo spark like fire. E begin curse me. E say e no blame me and all di stupid old Lagos taxi driver dem, e say na Dangote wey dey increase petrol price per second, per second, e blame. Di bobo come talk how much e go pay me last.
Na dat time I come show am say, even dough I don dagba, me na original agbero I be. Shey, no be for garage my office dey? I be executive agbero.
I tell di bobo say, make e talk true, weda or wedan’t im be young man. I say make e forgot di age wey e dey use work for dat im yeye office.
I ask am say, if e be young man wey e dey claim, how come all di teeth wey dey im mouth don comot finish? Plus im face wey resemble monkey own.
I say make e stop to dey deceive people, plus including all di yeye Lagos olosho dem, say im be young man. I no know weda im village people use ashewo curse am.
I tell am say to wear jankara jacket and tie enter road every morning no mean say e be young man.
I tell am say me, I gree say I be old man and di whole world sabi my age, plus including Google.
I come give am final warning say make e stop to dey carry Dangote name waka everywia becos of petrol price.
I ask am say gofment wey spend money like rain for dia refinery, wia all di refinery dem dey now?
I remind di bobo say, wen Dangote wan build im refinery, gofment collect money nyafu nyafu for di land, after dem come talk for tv, radio and newspaper say gofment give Dangote free land. Olorun Oba o!
I remind di bobo say, wen Dangote build im refinery finish, e beg gofment make dem dey sell crude oil for am for Naira, gofment no gree, dem begin sell crude oil to Dangote for oyibo money.
Sote, gofment come tell di world say dem follow put money for Dangote refinery. I don even forgot who talk am dat time, weda na Lai lai Mohamed sef.
Now, una dey blame Dangote becos e add money for im petrol.
I tell di bobo say make e comot for our garage dey waka for leg go Costain as e no fit pay di taxi money wey I tell am.
I tell am say if e too pain am, make e go meet gofment wey don carry all our refinery wey don peme, dash China people, instead make e dey carry Dangote name dey waka everywia.
I ask am weda Dangote na Fada Xmas wey go dey dash Naija people im petrol free.
If na me be Dangote sef, I know how much I for dey sell my petrol, make all of us continue to suffer am. Mtchewwwwww.
Di ting vex me, no be small.
Dangote na ya mate?
Make we jam again on Saturday.
Tank you.
Tank you very much.
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994
