I no trust anybody for dis my taxi driver work. Noting wey my mouth never see in di curse (Olorun maje!) of my work for Lagos road everyday.
Dem plenty: Amu robber o, Gbomo gbomo dem wey don upgrade now to kidnapper o, Oloso o, Ritualist o, Yahoo Boys o!
But di one wey bad pass na all dis Lagos sisi dem wey person tink say e know well well.
See like Aisha, sisi wey dey always carry hot Agbo jedijedi for head come dey sell for our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge.
Aisha surprise me yesterday gan. E find me come for garage, I tink say e wan tune me make I buy im market dat early morning, I for tell am say my body na iron wey no need Agbo jedijedi .
But I Aisha tell me say e get wetin e wan tell me. I tell am go on saun.
E say, e sabi say e don tey wen I go night school for my village for Ogbomoso before I come Lagos in 1965 to learn mecho work.
I tell Aisha make e lef story and go straight to di point.
Na im Aisha say, e know say I go sabi dis new but old national anthem wey Baba bring back so. E say e wan make I teach am.
I ask am wetin e wan use national anthem do, weda e wan sing am as e dey sell Agbo jedijedi for im customer dem. E say no, e jus wan sabi am becos nobody know tomorrow, say anyting fit happen.
I tell Aisha say if na so, no troublem. I ask am which day e wan make I begin teach am. Shebi e no pass “Nigeria We Hell Di”.
Aisha come tell me say e don arrange one short time room for Oshodi wey only di two both of us go, go next weekend, say na for inside di room I go teach am di national anthem. E say make I no worry about money, say e don already pay for di room sef, and e go even pay me wen I teach am finish.
I ask am how much e go pay me, e say no be cash o, say e go pay me in kind.
I come ask am weda or wedan’t na Uber we go take go dia. E say na my guonguoro we go use nah. Tori Olorun!
Na dat time I begin suspect Aisha. I tell am say koburu, say I go tink about di proposal. Aisha tank me and lef.
I come talk am for my mind say, so dis Agbo jedijedi girl tink say e get sense well, well? How I sure say e never plan finish with all dose Agbero dem for Oshodi make dem seize my guonguoro wen we dey for inside di short time room, like China been do Naija?
No be me and you! National Anthem ko, National Pledge ni.
Make we jam again next Saturday.
Tank you,
Tank you very much,
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
