•Azuka Onwuka
Anyone who pays attention to what is happening on social media knows there is a high demand for Nigerian men by women from other countries.
In the past, the assumption was that most of the marriages between Nigerian men and women from other countries were mainly to acquire official papers that would guarantee the Nigerian man the visa or citizenship of the country.
A young Nigerian man in his 20s or 30s would snap a picture of his registry marriage with a White woman in her 50s, 60s, or 70s. People would share such photos and make jokes about it.
But in recent years, there has been a spike in young Nigerian men marrying young foreign women. Interestingly, many of the young men are professionals who are financially stable and have permanent residency or citizenship status.
Many of them get married overseas and return to Nigeria to perform a symbolic “traditional” marriage ceremony. Videos of such marriages usually show the joy of their non-Nigerian wives in their beautiful Nigerian attire, performing the marriage rites and dancing excitedly, most times offbeat, to Nigerian music.
And any time such women make a post about their amazing experience with their Nigerian boyfriend or husband, one can see the high number of Americans, Canadians, Britons, Jamaicans, etc., expressing interest in having a Nigerian man. Expectedly, many men flock to such posts dropping their numbers or messages, declaring their availability.
This high interest in Nigerian men has created an online market for matchmakers. There are now many online live events where people explain how to ensure that a foreigner is not talking to a romance scammer. These romance scammers have been exploiting the naïveté and desperation of women in search of love. Their actions have been bringing a bad name to Nigerians for some years.
What caused this recent uptick in the quest of foreign women for Nigerian men?
There could be many reasons but the first is Afrobeats music. Nigerian music has been attracting global attention in recent years. Young people from different countries love Nigerian songs and musicians. This has made them take more interest in the country from where this music is coming. It is similar to what happened with reggae music from the 1970s. It made Jamaica a household name across the world.
In the past, before the popularity of Afrobeats, people from other countries only focused on the bad story of online scams in Nigeria. All the achievements of Nigerians in technology, business, literature, sports, international peace-keeping missions and independence of other countries, etc., were never remembered. Once the name Nigeria came up in North America, Europe, Asia, Oceania and even some parts of Africa, people zeroed in on scams and kept their distance from Nigerians.
Many scammers from other countries even identified as Nigerians, thereby worsening the image of Nigeria.
The corruption in governance did not help the Nigerian case. Once you mentioned the name Nigeria while discussing a business venture online with someone in another continent, the person would abruptly end the communication.
Many Nigerians abroad confessed that some 30 or 20 years ago when they landed to study or work, most times they would not identify as Nigerians, because it caused them problems. Interestingly, this was the era Nigerian government was spending a lot of money telling the world that Nigeria was “the heart of Africa” as well as “Good people, great nation”. That advertising message did not have any effect on foreigners. But eventually, Afrobeats became globally popular and did a better image-laundry job for Nigeria. Now, people from other countries who watch Nigerian musical videos want to know more about Nigeria. They search online for information about Nigeria. By so doing, they see the other sides of the country.
Nigerians did not just become amazing recently. They have always been like this but the bad press did not allow the world to get close to Nigeria and know any positive thing about the country. Those who take the bold step of visiting Nigeria usually leave with mind-blowing stories about Nigerians’ hospitality.
It is the same case with marriage to Nigerian men. Women from other countries love Nigerian men. It is not because Nigerian men have any extraordinary genes. It is because of what the Nigerian environment has instilled in men from birth. It is hammered into their ears and psyche that, to prove that they are responsible and manly, they must bear the full burden of providing for all the women around them: wife, mother, sisters, nieces, cousins, grandmothers, friends and colleagues. These include paying school fees, buying clothes, bags, shoes, jewellery, food, and cars and giving regular pocket money, etc.
When a Nigerian boy goes on a date with a girl, even though they are both students (who yet don’t earn any money), the boy is expected to pay for all they eat. The girl may even bring along one or two of her friends, and the poor boy is expected to foot their bill, including the bill for the items they will take away, and even give her and her friends “money for transport”. He will constantly buy gifts and send money to her. If he cannot dole out financial favours to his girlfriend, he is ridiculed as a “Ju man” or “chewing gum boy”.
The more men give, the more they are expected to give. They are regularly compared to other men who are doing more for their women to show them that they are not doing enough like “real men”. Many men who can’t take the ridicule end up in crime to prove to their women that they are real men.
When Nigerian men meet women from other countries (who don’t have this type of orientation) and do just 30 per cent of what they are expected to do to Nigerian women, the foreign women are wowed because they have never seen anything like that. They can’t stop talking about Nigerian men because they don’t live in a society where a man is expected to take care of his needs and the entire needs of his woman. Love is expressed in many countries with flowers, but not in Nigeria.
Because the women from other countries did not grow up believing that the man has to take care of their needs, they are less demanding of things to be done for them. And whatever the Nigerian men do for them, they are very appreciative. Consequently, they treat their Nigerian men with more dignity. The men talk about having more peace and happiness.
Ironically, it is the same level of care Nigerian men give to Nigerian women but is not appreciated (because it is seen as their duty or nothing special) that they give to these non-Nigerian women, and the women find it exceptional. The result is that the internet has made the news of the “special loving nature of Nigerian men” spread faster from different countries, making more women aware of it and more receptive to Nigerian men.
The pressure the Nigerian society puts on the male child is unnatural and unhealthy. The rich and the poor, educated and uneducated, influential and non-influential, young and old as well as male and female, take it as the normal way of life.
Most people who have lived in Nigeria, and only go to other nations on holidays, may not understand that there is something wrong with it, because that is the only way of life they have known.
There should be a conscious reorientation in Nigeria, especially led by successful and influential women, that the girl child is not created to look forward to marrying a rich and influential man but to be a rich and influential person herself. The Nigerian girl child should be groomed to believe that the way to know a man who cares and loves her is not through the amount of money and gifts such a person showers on her.
Churches, mosques, schools, universities and town unions should also join the campaign and see if the perception of the next generation can be changed about this critical issue.
X: @BrandAzukab
