E no good make agbalagba like me wey don marry tipe tipe come begin live alone like bobo wey never marry teletele. Na dat one oyibo dem dey call married bachelor. Abi no be so?
My wife Bose travel go dia village for Ondo since last week. E say e wan go see im Mama, say e don tey gan wen e see di old woman last. Na wetin I go talk? Shey, I go tell am make e no go see my mother in-law for village? Oti o!
Bose travel with our two woman pikin dem – Bisi and Funke. Na only me come remain for Lagos since last week. My broda, na now I pity any man wey no marry. E no easy, I swear!
To eat better food sef come be wahala. Me wey no kukuma sabi boil ordinary water for eba, talk less of to cook food.
Na so I come dey buy Agege Bread and Ewa Agoyin dey chop every morning wen I reach our garage wey dey near Ikeja under bridge. For afternoon I go buy pure water tutu take top am. For night wen I close, I go branch Madam Shine buka, chop point-and-kill and use My Usual wash am down, before I begin go our house wey dey for Abule Egba.
Na so I dey do everyday since last week wey my family travel go village.
Yesterday, I come siddon, dey count how much I don spend since last Saturday. Wen I see di money, my broda, I nearly collapse like Naija national grid.
How much I dey make for dis my taxi driver work for one day? Some day sef, passenger no go show face from morning till night. Even wen you see passenger carry, money wey you go use buy petrol wey don dey do abracadabra nko? And engine oil still dey one corner o.
Na im make I talk am for my mind say, I no go put my guonguoro for road today, instead, I go enter Ipodo market, go buy tings make I use cook efo riro and stew, den buy rice and fufu, dey chop am small small everyday till my family come back.
But as I reach market and begin price di tings wey I wan take cook, di price wey dose market woman dem tell me, I shock gan. Dem say na Iran war cause am. Tori Olorun!
I ask mysef say, how Bose dey take manage am? And di ting be say, Bose never tell me di day wey e go come back.
Shey, make I go hire one sisi wey go dey come cook for me for house? But na free?
Now I confuse patapata, I no know wetin to do again.
Make we jam again next week.
Tank you
Tank you very much
And tank you very, very much indeed.
*Created by Sunny Okim, Oga MAT (Day-to-day experiences of a Lagos taxi driver) is the longest running Pidgin column in Nigeria’s media, since 1994.
